College has come to an end for me, finally after six years, my academic journey has reached the finish line. It was such a relief, I've never felt so free! I finally can pursue what I want to do in life. But as reality started sinking in, I realized that it's only the beginning of a brand new journey full of uncertainties. I came home, and cried myself to sleep as fear after fear flooded my heart. The world seemed so big, and I felt terribly small. My dreams sounded so impractical, and my goals towered over my fearful heart. What do I do now?

I trace back to what started all this crazy dreaming. I was 16 years old taking up Business Management, when a stirring happened within me. I found no joy in where I was, and knew that I was not meant to study business. After one semester I quit college, and took a year and a half break. During that break, I got exposed to so much art and so much reality, met radical people, and began understanding what my purpose is. I came back to school feeling fueled, and ready to take on any challenge. Six years has passed, and I still remember being sixteen and seeing life with wide eyes, excited to live and shine. Now that I'm 22, I still got that crazy 16 year old girl within me. My dreams are still very much alive, I still feel and think that I can achieve whatever I set my mind and heart on, everything still seems possible. But now, I sometimes wake up in doubt and fear. What happens next?

It's so hard to be that Proverbs 31 woman who laughs without fear of the future! haha!

But I remind myself that I am not alone in this. I'm not the only person who just got launched into the adult life, and who feels completely lost. Everybody dreams, and sometimes we struggle when it comes to connecting our dreams to an action plan. This is the case for me. Right now, I'm still in that frustrating, but wonderful phase of connecting the dots. I can't see the whole picture yet, and it would take time. In the meantime, I have to protect my dreams.

What do I mean by protecting them? Like I said, my dream is impractical. It just doesn't make sense to most people, sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me. But I know that in working towards that dream I will be fulfilled. It can be very discouraging when you hear people talking about how you should ONLY work on being financially stable in life. While that can be true, that goal isn't for everyone. I know in my heart that I crave for something more than just financial stability. Money is good, but it is not what I'm here for. I'm doing my best in making wise choices, but great things often require great risks! I might find myself in a normal job sometime soon, but that would only be for a season.

I've realized that the world would not approve of my dreams! 

And I accept that. I have learned that in order to be happy, I must not seek the approval of many.The Lord has blessed me with a handful of people who cheers me on, and prays for me as I seek God's direction in this adventure and having them is enough. So I'm prepping myself for rejections, discouragement, and loneliness. If we want to make things happen, we need to be ready to face obstacles. Nothing comes easy in this life! I really learned that lesson when I started taking a part time job right after graduation.

I've been trying to write this journal entry for 3 weeks already. Honestly, I struggled so much. I know everyone wants the best for the people they love. I can't count how many people asked about my plans for the future. To be honest, I don't have a concrete one yet. I will start the job hunt after finishing my commitments/projects this summer and we'll see where I'll land my feet as I connect the dots!


If you are reading this and you feel lost in this world of adult life, I can offer you no solution as I am also figuring things out. Googling things such as "How do I become a member of SSS? PhilHealth? Pag- IBIG?" is pretty much part of my life right now. Life after graduation can be overwhelming! So many things to process, so many things to learn, and so many options ready for taking. But we have to take it one step at a time. Don't be afraid to start small, our dreams will not be handed to us right away, we need to put in the hard work.

And finally, may we never forget to seek Him first before anything, and trust in His leading!

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6

I hope I can look back to this entry one day and say to myself that I made it! I connected the dots and dreamed without approval. I pray that I will find myself right where God wants me to be. I hope that many years will pass but I will still see life with the eyes of the 16 year old me. That it would still be vibrant and exciting. And by that time, I hope life's experiences has made me wiser and braver.

This is IT! Keep shining, at all times, in all ways, for God's glory!

Treesha