These past years I struggled to write as much as I wanted and needed. The words didn't flow like it used to, there was too much resistance and not enough drive. I loathed how I sounded, and didn't felt like anything I wanted to share was valid or interesting enough.

As of now, I have 99 unpublished entries, I do not plan to publish them in the future but I read them from time to time. They remind me of my past sorrows and victories.

It's late at night, and the thunderstorm is raging outside the house. The rainy season slowly introduces itself. I used to love summer more than winter, but as I've gotten older I've learned to love the rain and how it makes coffee shops all the more inviting.

The sea, the sun, and the road no longer excite me. They are only vague memories of my youth, the ones I will always wish I could go back to. As my friends moved on with their adult lives, and started focusing on building their dreams, I was left in our small town, barely hanging on to what once was. I have no bitterness in all this, this was my choice, the decision I thought was best for myself, and it is. But making the best decisions doesn't mean it will lead to perfect situations.

But it is true, the difficulties we face make us better. I'd like to say that after so much struggle I am the most confident person I know, my confidence is not perfect, but it is strong. I believe in what I am capable of, I know my worth and what I deserve, and wouldn't settle for anything less. I cannot allow myself to become mediocre at anything, I strive to be excellent, to be genuine, to be creative. If it weren't for the rejections in the past and even in the present, I wouldn't be who I am today.

You see, growing up I was never the best at anything. I wasn't beautiful, I didn't have an angelic voice, my hair always curled the wrong way, and I had very few friends. Even now, I am not loved by many. I used to care about this so much, used to want people to like me, to support me, and to love me. After so many years of wanting that, I realized that I should just focus on the handful that loves me genuinely.

I still feel out of place and unwanted most of the time, but my feelings are not my identity. That's the greatest lesson I've learned this past year. Yes, my feelings are real and it is valid, but it is not IDENTITY. My ''emotions'' shouldn't affect the way I view life, shouldn't affect my view of God, and shouldn't affect the way I view the people around me.

Learning this valuable lesson saved me a lot of tears.

And coming to terms with my personal issues has allowed me to become more productive and optimistic in life.