According to the most reliable weather app ever, Accuweather, I would have the enjoyment of walking around SBFZ without a drop of rain from 3 PM to 4PM. So, I packed my camera, my laptop, put on my boots and set off for an afternoon stroll.

The wind blew and gave me chills as I started to walk. There aren't many people out on the streets, they're missing out on this beautiful hour. I had Noah Gundersen’s Saints and Liars album on loop, the perfect companion for this kind of weather. His music is hot water to that tea bag!

“Oh how pretty is the middle of June.” Noah sang to me with his soothing voice. I remember shedding tears upon discovering his music. Learning about people’s artistry and passion brings me to tears, I’m emotional like that. The other day, I learned that one of the local photographers I look up to just went to New York to study Photography. A great risk, but she is diving in with eyes open, she said. It stirred me so much. I look at myself, and wish I can do the same. 

Finding employment isn’t easy, just like what I expected. It’s been four months since I finished college, I have sent more than twenty applications, and so far I’ve only gotten two phone interviews from companies categorized as my “back up” plan.  There are days when I feel so worthless, but then there are days when I feel like I can take on any challenge in this world. A roller coaster ride of emotions, but I’m trying to keep my head clear. I’ve been sending cold emails too because why not take a chance right? Maybe I can ask for an opportunity, or maybe I’ll create the opportunity for myself. Friends and family have been kind enough to recommend me for jobs and I appreciate it so much. But I think I would have to wait some more, there's no rush (at least that's what my dad says). 

I walked some more and reached the top destination for most job seekers, the labor department. After looking over job postings, I realized that most companies aren’t really looking for people like me. But I think I may have found some matches. After taking note of them, I went to the nearest cafe. They sell cheap coffee and have good Pinoy pizza. The go-to place for someone like me. The sun peeks in between the clouds, but the wind still sends shivers to my back. It’s 50 minutes past 4 PM, but the rain still hasn’t poured. What's up Accuweather?

I write this in the cafe as I drink my cup of hot chocolate and dream of better days.  Few people occupy the tables, most of them staring to the void, sipping coffee, their faces are expressionless. But I am familiar with that face, it is the face of contemplation. 

You wonder what my plans are in the future? Well, I just really want to take photos actually. And I want to be so freaking good in doing so. Apart from giving back to my parents, the thing that drives me about this job search is the goal of saving money to be able to afford to send myself to photography school, or even take a few classes. I’ve always been ambitious when it comes to the things that I love. There’s no other way but to go full speed for the things that keep your heart beating fast. I, too, want to dive into a great risk with eyes, heart, and mind wide open. 

It's amazing how art, music, photography, etc. can change the way people feel and think. Last year, I discovered a Japanese rock band, though I did not understand the meaning behind their songs then, it made me feel all sorts of things: sadness, joy, relief, desperation, and hope. For me that is the sign of a true artist, when his work makes people feel the exact same thing he felt while he was in the process of creating that master piece. This is coming from someone who used to never appreciate music in a language that is foreign to her. I already googled the English lyrics and can now truly enjoy the songs knowing the beautiful meaning behind them. Music is so powerful it can break barriers. 

But there are artists who doesn't only make you feel, they invite you to take part in a mission. They see the need around them and use it as a fuel to their creative process. I think of Sarah Kay who uses her poetry to teach and inspire young people all over the world. Her work has ignited hearts and helped others discover their voice and learn how it can affect their communities. A perfect example of how artists can contribute to this lonely world.

What am I talking about? Well, I guess I'm talking about what I dream of becoming. I dream of becoming a person whose work can shine light in the darkest places and spark change, even in small ways. This is my purpose in life, to live not for the glory of money or fame but for the glory of my Maker, the greatest artist ever, the One I look up to the most.

The uncertainty of life is bittersweet. We never know when death will come knocking at our doors. So I have made a promise to myself not to die with my dreams nor grow old with regret. At 22, I already have a list of risks I should have taken when I was younger. I don't plan on making that list grow longer, I plan on living life fully. 

Well, cheap as it was that was a good cup of hot choco...

I am back on my feet again. It's 6 PM and the sky is still clear. Noah sings "Stone cold broke in the middle of the winter..." I laugh because it describes me. My bank account is barely surviving , projects are not flowing in. The other week I got an email asking if I think I can produce 25, 000 words per week. I calculate the amount of research and time it will take me to write for a project like this and concluded that it is not worth the pay. I think it will take some more time before I can drink good coffee again.

"I don't need no gold or silver, Oh I only need a few new things." I smile, because I can only think of getting myself a new camera. It might take me a few years with the way things are right now, but I'm so excited about it, like a little girl on Christmas eve. 

It was already 30 minutes after six when the rain started to pour. I look up and thank God for being so kind.