Photo by Simon Schmitt

I lifted my hand and placed the sun in between my fingers 'til it disappeared behind the mountains. I long for more days like this... There's nothing quite like being still before God's glory. It calms my soul and reminds me how little and yet how loved I am.

I've gone through an emotional roller coaster ride this past month, and almost no one knew. The days had been heavy and the mornings didn't carry the hope I expected. I found myself alone in restaurants, nibbling on bland food. The nights were long, but it brought me no comfort. Instead, I dreaded the night. I hated loneliness but it always seemed to find its way to me. 

But it was in my time of loneliness where God revealed His ability to fully satisfy my every desire. It was in loneliness where I learned to lay my troubles only at His feet. And it was in loneliness where I learned how to only look to Him for love and affection. All the genuine love the people could offer me in this world are nothing but a glimpse of the fullness and intensity of God's love for me.

New songs were written and fresh works of art were made in this bitter sweet season. I have struggled strong and came out victorious. I have defeated the dark thoughts that flooded my mind and I wish to never encounter them again. 

In the end, God has proven Himself faithful as he continuously encouraged me to strive and keep worshiping Him even in the midst of my brokenness and doubts. I am blown away at how generous the love and grace of God truly is. 

I look at the waves gently brushing the shore over and over again. My love for God may sometimes be like a calm sea, or even a stagnant water in a drum, steady and without passion. But His love is always a raging sea, full of passion and excitement. His love is always flooding the dry parts of my heart and filling the empty holes within. His love is always a consuming fire, and never just a little spark. His love is constant just as the waves never fail to crash to the shore. It is comforting to know that in my unfaithfulness He is faithful, and in my weakness He is strong.

And so I learned that my loneliness had a purpose, and that I was never truly alone. He just brought me in a place where He can reveal Himself in the most beautiful way.

As this was revealed to me, I whisper "Who am I that you are mindful of me?" 

Great eagles fly alone; great lions hunt alone; great souls walk alone-alone with God. Such loneliness is hard to endure, and impossible to enjoy unless God accompanied. Prophets are lone men; they walk alone, pray alone and God makes them alone.