A couple of days ago i was laughing at myself for always having to check my 4 year course subject list. Everytime i get the opportunity to check it i will bring it out of my bag and just keep staring, as if the subjects will magically disappear from the list with my stare.

I was trying to figure out how i can graduate as soon as possible. I am very eager to finish because i know if this takes too long i might lose interest and eventually quit. And i do not want that to happen, i want to do the right things in life, well education is very important you know. But since i willingly left college i figured that i can survive without it, and i can do what i am called to do even without it. And people around me didn't like the way i process my thoughts, they want me to stay in school, to graduate, to get a good job, own a house and drive a nice car. All these are good, but if this is what success is like, then i do not want to be successful at all. There's got to be something more than that...

I reflect on the scripture God has given me on June 2011,

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come. (Isaiah 61:1-2)

That was given to me during my first week in college, and at first i thought "Wow, God has given me work to do in this campus, He has anointed me to serve him! I am called to be just like Jesus in this scripture." I was very pumped because the Lord wants me to serve. But days came and as i sought the Lord, a change in my heart occured. Several weeks after that , i found myself crying and praying. Crying because i want to pursue my dreams, i want to be rich and do what i love, and that is art. But God was changing my heart, He was giving me something beyond what i thought. He is calling me to be like Christ, and bring good news. And i was there battling with God, trying to keep my dream while trying to look for a way to obey him as well.

So i quit school. I quit school, because i wanna go after my passion at the same time serve God.  Well studying is very expensive too, because my sister was in college too way back two years ago. I see this as God's way of leading me to His plan. But Can you get the picture? i was trying to mix two things, two dreams and two visions (This is why if you read all my past blog entries it is very inconsistent, there's this dreamer and there's this servant, both are writing a blog). I quit school, because i was in a state of confusion. Knowing the answer, but refusing to accept it as it is. Many things has happened during those years, i found myself serving on board a missionary ship for a month, and singing worship songs with the kids who before i just see on the streets, now i know their names. And during those times, i can no longer deny the call. I can no longer run away and be like Jonah, because i am called to be like Christ!

But still i had my dreams, i want to be an architect, an artist, a film maker, and become famous in this field. While dreaming these, i know this is not the life i will be living. And after almost two years of battle, i was asked to give up. Well, of course i still tried to bargain with God that warm summer night, "I could be an architect and serve You." but it felt wrong, that's not what He is asking of me. And by the grace of God i was able to give up my wildest dreams in exchange for His wonderful glory. I trade all my dreams in order to gain Christ.

And if i traded all my dreams, why am i in school now?

Because this is part of the plan. I may not be taking up the course i originally wanted, but im studying something i can atleast enjoy too. And this will help me when i eventually venture out and bring the good news full time. :) I am so passionate about this calling. Every night i am reminded of this and i thank the Lord that He gives me the opportunity to serve Him even in little ways

Now what i am trying to do is stay on the right path. I know i have to finish school, i need to finish school... sometimes i just find it hard to concentrate though, while at class i think about God a whole lot. I talk to him every now and then while at school. I just couldn't stop talking to Him. Everyday i pray for grace to do what i have to do and as of now what i need to do is focus on school. For this will make my mom & dad happy. I just can't hide the fact that i want to do this as fast as possible, for i am very excited to serve full time!

Oh well, i just couldn't stop thinking of church, of worship services, of saturdays spent with the kids and i know, i just know these are the things i really love. :)

When you just had the best summer ever, it's quite hard to get back to school. But if you had the best 2 year adventure ever, it's definitely hard trying to adjust to that school vibe. But guess what? School, isn't bad after all. Except for having no friends more than the fingers on my right hand, it's all good.

I have to admit, i still don't do my homeworks on time, and i still wake up in the early hours of the morning to either read or write essays. I think my brain works better during those hours. But i am determined to be the best student i can be, and make my stay in that school worthwhile.

A lot of times i feel alien to the school that will be my second home for the coming 3 years or more. I'am also can be likened to a  ghost roaming around it's corridors. With no one to talk to most of the time, i find myself quiet but happy. This quiet version of me is so different from the girl from 2 years back, who can get to know all of her blockmates in just one day. Who i am now, seems more mature...well i should be.

Although i miss getting all the freedom to do whatever i want on weekdays, i am grateful that i am where i am, and doing what i am doing. Finally, i can make my parents happy , and finally my life seems to know what kind of direction it wants to take. But above all this, i do not forget my calling. Everyday i am reminded, that all these is for God and whatever i'm gonna get from these years spent studying Communication Arts will eventually be a tool that i will use to bring Him greater glory, and reach more and more people with the love of God.

I am glad that i didn't have to leave my ministry with the kids every saturday. I thank the Lord that He has given me a time to study and a time to still do the things that i love. Everyday gets busier but it also turns out to be more beautiful. I find myself smiling all the time, filled with joy coming from the King of Kings. After months spent in confusion and uncertainty i finally am learning to fully cling on the truth that is in His word. I no longer fear the future, i know where i am heading, i know my goal and it is to love God and reach people with His love.

I am studying in a Catholic Institution, and i have to say that i admire the vision that they have for their students. They do not just want to raise professionals, but they want to raise future leaders who are God loving, family oriented and community serving individuals. Ain't that beautiful? Although i find myself having to answer alot of questions regarding my faith, it's fine with me. My classmates seem to be so interested on what Church is like for us Christians belonging to a different denomination. It's a good conversations starter, and through that i am able to make some more friends. Maybe i would have to use the fingers of both hands to count them.

I miss bike rides, gym workouts, running by the beach and skating, but ain't nobody got time fo that now.

This year im kinda all set to get back to school. My parents would not let me have another year off, the time to get serious is NOW. Although i am not enrolled yet, i'm about to this week, and i've got all sorts of mixed feelings about this.

• First of all, i am stoked to study since i've missed it somehow i am eager to excel in my academics. 
• Second, i am nervous, for almost two years i lived a life of a free teenage girl who can sleep all day, watch movies all night, workout day by day or just be a total bum. I'm quite nervous knowing that i have a lot of adjustment to do.
• Third, i'm gonna be having classmates who are younger than i am, and i don't like feeling old, and most of the time Older students get to always be leaders of the group, and although i can make a good leader, i just wanna shake off any responsibilities as much as possible.
• Fourth, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to leave my ministry at project life, since i wouldn't have all the time in the world, though i'll try my best to still keep on serving those kids! 
• And Lastly, i'm just so afraid of going back.

Yesterday my heart was playing with me. After i finally was able to pour out my heart to my dad, and tell him straightforward that i want to be in full time ministry, after i have welcomed all the possible persecutions & sufferings to come, the Devil worked to hinder me from doing the work the Lord has called me to do.

Thoughts like "Is this really what you want? If so, you may not be able to pursue an architectural career , you may not be able to buy yourself things, and you'll always be someone less." went inside my head. And indeed my heart was fickle for i have wavered, but then i asked God to remind me of His goodness, i asked Him to not let my other passions die, instead for Him to bring it to life and  use it for His glory. I love making art, and i know in my heart that He didn't give me the love for it, just for me to brush it off.

And Indeed my God knows my hearts desire and the moment i woke up, i was surprised to suddenly have the opportunity to attend art classes for this month! How wonderful was that? The Lord used a lovely friend of ours to bless me with this opportunity & even bought me the material i will be needing for the classes!

I see this as a way for me to improve my skills and use this for God's glory & for the work of telling the Good News. Since i would have to support myself for the coming months as i do my "mission walk", i could use the knowledge i'll gain from the classes to enhance my skills and be able to sell art pieces so that i will have a little income not only for me but for the people i'll be helping. I pray that it would work out! I start tomorrow, and i do hope that i'll be enjoying it.

As for the "mission walk", it's something i came up with since i do not have any organization to work with yet during this coming months. I desire to bring the Good News to the people of the streets, i like to help them in  ways i could. So the moment the weather becomes more friendly i will be hitting the streets and basically reach out to the street kids & beggars here in our community.

And if you're thinking about my studies, i would not be studying again this semester, the schools i have contacted advised me to start 1st semester next year, so that i'll be able to have less complications with my classes. It looks like it will take a while for me before i finish college, but hey no regrets!!! I am where i am supposed to be at the moment.

I am in need of your prayers, and please also say a prayer for those kids & other people i'll be trying to reach with the Love of Christ!! And if you happen to be reading this blog and have some prayer request, i'd love to pray with you.
Just drop a comment below.

In pursuit,
Trisha

Most people think that success comes with a good education. That a man who wants to succeed, must finish college, and just finishing college isn't enough, you have to make sure  the school you're attending is well known, you have to make sure that the course you're taking is in demand. Because if you don't meet this requirements, you're just another normal human being slave to work, giving sweat & blood to a job that doesn't pay you any good. But the truth is, one who eagerly runs after money/material/position is the real slave, pouring out heart,soul & time to one thing that is not really of great importance once we leave this earth.

Success, as most of people think it is, is measured by how you dressed, how your home looks like, how much money you have in the bank,how much luxury you can afford, and how much news worthy things you've done in life. And no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that success aren't these things we still find it hard to believe.

And as for me, i guess you can call me an out of school youth, because that's who i really am right now. But i wouldn't change a thing, because to me success is now close at hand. Because to me success is being able to do what you love, and being able to give to others. Although i still plan to attend school, i would have to say that i don't regret a thing the moment i decided to quit studying a business course, because it isn't the one for me. And when i left school i learned a lot of things i wouldn't learn if i were studying. But please don't get me wrong, it is right to study, it is right to finish college, nothing is wrong with these things. It's just that not everyone is meant to  study that certain course, or even not everyone is destined to go to school. I guess you can already get what i'm saying. And to me, im not meant to be at school at a particular season of my life, and that season is now.

The now season is an adventure i never thought i'd have, though i wasn't able to go places, i was able to do so many things , discovered new loves, and created new friends. I volunteered for the missionary ship Logos Hope, i got the chance to print some shirts for money, i learned how to skate with a long board, i've spent many afternoons at the beach by my self, i got involved in a new ministry and i started growing, both emotionally and spiritually. I can finally say that i am no longer a kid anymore, i have matured and it wouldn't have happened if i were in school surrounded by young boys & girls rushing to fall in love, drooling over One direction or Daniel padilla, craving for the latest fashion trends, and trying to be cool. Trust me, in due season i will deal with them when i go back to school. And again please do not get me wrong not every girl is crazy about 1direction or Daniel Padilla, not every boy is sporting a Justin bieber look, still there are some who does better than that.

Anyway, Success is now close at hand, for i am being continuously changed & shaped by my God. It is a thousand steps a way but while i'm walking i'm earning it, i'm learning it. I am thankful for i no longer depend on material things, i no longer view money or position as security. I am now secured and assured that i am placed in the palms of my God. The one who called me, and placed passions & talents inside of me. And in that perfect day , after all the sacrifices i've made, i'd realized it's nothing at all compared to the reward, the reward who is Jesus Christ.

You might think that im just another religious/Jesus freak, you can call me names if you want to, but that wouldn't change a thing.To me my success, my victory, my passion is in Christ Jesus.

And who knows, maybe i can be a youtube sensation and earn lots of money i wouldn't need to go to college? Who knows i might invent something more awesome than the latest smartphone? Or maybe i might just go find a part time job to support myself, and the things that i love, or maybe i can just do what i love to do, sing for Jesus, move for Jesus, and love people, then i'd be a successful out of school youth!