a post from my tumblr
5:07 AM
I was thinking “what if?”
What if i didn’t gave my passion a try and still went to college for a course i really didn’t have the heart for?
i could be sitting in class right now, i could be seeing my professor teach but i wouldn’t be listening. Or worse, i could be enrolled but i wouldn’t be at school, i could be at the nearest mall and spend my parent’s money on things that are not really necessary. It sounds so bad, but i could have done it.
And so that was one of the factors why i left school, because i know what bad things i can do, and i didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to waste hard earned money.
Then so, i gave passion a try. And up to now it’s still trying. It’s still trying to get out of me but it has nowhere to go. I am not enrolled at school, i am not taking architecture. And for so long, i have been finding ways to accommodate it, i’ve been trying to make it live until it finally finds a home. But somehow i feel like the colors, the ideas, the art, the determination left me. Maybe not fully, but some of it has went away.
Last month i tried to create something beautiful, but failed. And i’m trying so hard to make it come back home to me. But that passion for art has been replaced with a higher passion, a passion i thought i once possessed, a passion for Jesus!
For several weeks now, i had been juggling with the thoughts of going to school & going full time. I was trying to set a side the thought of going full time right now because i think i am not ready for it, and i am worried about so many things. Finishing college first then going full time, sounds a bit right. But there’s a part of me that’s not in peace. Or is it just me complicating things? Is it God trying to direct me? is it me not really listening to His voice?
Last night at the church service, our pastor said this about someone who is worried, and have been asking ” Who will take care of me? ” and God is saying ” i will take care of you.” And it was so powerful i cried.
I know that i wont need anything else in this world, i just need Jesus. And He is my reward. He is my prize, He is the One i live for.
What if i stop thinking about what tomorrow will bring and start trusting God more?
i could be sitting in class right now, i could be seeing my professor teach but i wouldn’t be listening. Or worse, i could be enrolled but i wouldn’t be at school, i could be at the nearest mall and spend my parent’s money on things that are not really necessary. It sounds so bad, but i could have done it.
And so that was one of the factors why i left school, because i know what bad things i can do, and i didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to waste hard earned money.
Then so, i gave passion a try. And up to now it’s still trying. It’s still trying to get out of me but it has nowhere to go. I am not enrolled at school, i am not taking architecture. And for so long, i have been finding ways to accommodate it, i’ve been trying to make it live until it finally finds a home. But somehow i feel like the colors, the ideas, the art, the determination left me. Maybe not fully, but some of it has went away.
Last month i tried to create something beautiful, but failed. And i’m trying so hard to make it come back home to me. But that passion for art has been replaced with a higher passion, a passion i thought i once possessed, a passion for Jesus!
For several weeks now, i had been juggling with the thoughts of going to school & going full time. I was trying to set a side the thought of going full time right now because i think i am not ready for it, and i am worried about so many things. Finishing college first then going full time, sounds a bit right. But there’s a part of me that’s not in peace. Or is it just me complicating things? Is it God trying to direct me? is it me not really listening to His voice?
Last night at the church service, our pastor said this about someone who is worried, and have been asking ” Who will take care of me? ” and God is saying ” i will take care of you.” And it was so powerful i cried.
I know that i wont need anything else in this world, i just need Jesus. And He is my reward. He is my prize, He is the One i live for.
What if i stop thinking about what tomorrow will bring and start trusting God more?
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