Tonight i wasn't able to come to church, so i spent my time cleaning my room and spending time with God.

As i was worshiping God all alone in my room, i began to cry as i started praying for my uncle who is very sick. And flashbacks rolled on when i remember crying to God as well last year when i was praying for my sick Auntie, who later on went to heaven. And the pain introduced itself once more to me, i cried heavily as i continue to worship God.

I prayed for healing, but i was so afraid at the same time as i remember moments from last year where i poured so much of my heart to God asking Him to heal my Auntie. And somewhere in my heart while i was praying i feared that He won't answer my prayers, i was afraid to lose someone once again. The memory was just painful.

But i knew that God does not delight on my fears or worries. So i put down the guitar and rested in God and in the silence. I started to acknowledge before Him how fearful, worried and sad i am. I started talking to Him as a father, and knew that if i feel compassion for my Uncle, He certainly is more compassionate that i am... So i just cried and cried and let it all out before God, told Him how powerless and weak i feel regarding this situation. But God renewed me little by little as He reminded me of His grace over me and the members of my family. He reminded me that though we may face sickness we still have a reason to rejoice because we have Him in our lives. He said that He sees each one of our hearts and knows our deepest desires, our longings and our prayers even before we say them. Slowly things started feeling lighter and lighter as the burden i feel began to be lifted off of my shoulders.

But i knew the fear was still there. Fear that hindered me from trusting God fully. And so i leaned to God all the more knowing that He still has something to tell me, i then reached my Bible and was led to Matthew 14:27- 36

27 But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here![b]”

28 Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

29 “Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strong[c] wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

31 Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said.“Why did you doubt me?”

32 When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. 33 Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.

34 After they had crossed the lake, they landed at Gennesaret.

35 When the people recognized Jesus, the news of his arrival spread quickly throughout the whole area, and soon people were bringing all their sick to be healed. 36 They begged him to let the sick touch at least the fringe of his robe, and all who touched him were healed.

 After reading i cried all the more (what a crybaby i am!) but now my tears are of joy! Joy because God told me not to be afraid and to take courage for He is here!He is here with me and my family through whatever we may face.

I also started asking for forgiveness for praying but not having faith, and doubting what God can do. And also God reminded me of Jesus' healing ministry, and how he was moved with compassion and touched the sick and they were healed! How wonderful and good our God really is!

He took my fears away and replaced them with joy and understanding... I honestly don't know what else to say. He is just so good to me and family. My strength is renewed and my heart is filled with gladness for He is here...

Determined to waste no precious time, i decided to spend my two hour free time at our school's library. I had two reasons why i need to go to the library, first for a research i needed to do for my Psychology report and another was to find and read a random book.

And of course, after spending not much time gathering info for my report. I went ahead and to read the book i picked from the shelf, it was a book entitled "American Poetry". A compilation of the finest pieces of poetry in American history. And since i had long been interested in the works of modern poets these days, i thought reading the Classics would be fun.

I was curious if i could find a poem that is as playful as the poems we have these days. And yes, i was not disappointed, and so for those of you who thinks poetry has to rhyme all the time, you better grab a book with a bunch of old poems in your free time. Then you'll realize, "Man poetry doesn't even need to rhyme."

But what really made that time all the more special, was reading the first poem on the book which was entiled "The Flesh & The Spirit" by Anne Bradstreet . The poem was filled with so many convicting and powerful lines, basically it was talking about the contrast in the desires of the Flesh and the Spirit, and as a young Christian whose going through some shaky grounds right now when it comes to my Spiritual walk, God definitely intervened in my life through this poem. I wrote down lines that spoke powerfully to me.All these lines are lines which "The Spirit" or the woman who has found satisfaction and life in Christ says in the poem:

"Disturb no more my settled heart"

"Thy Sinful pleasures i do hate,
Thy riches are to me no bait,
thine honors do nor will i love;
For my ambition lies above."

"The hidden manna i do eat,
the Word of life it is my meat."

"The City where i hope to dwell,
There's none on Earth can parallel."

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL POEM

It's definitely a must read. I relate to this poem very much, for often times we are tempted to think of this world and to let the Flesh win the battle. But then there's so much more joy and reward in living a life in the Spirit. Everyday we can be tempted to put our hope in the richness and temporal pleasure of this world, but by God's grace we can choose to fix our hearts on what lies above. And i needed to do that more than ever, i needed to fix my heart & eyes firmly on Jesus Christ. Too many distractions surround me, and it was sad that i let them get me. So i really was blessed with this poem. I hope by reading this you become encouraged too. :)