My confidence went out of the window...

I've dealt with this before and after so much insecurity and all that stuff i came out as beautiful as God intended for me to be. But these past few days, i lost my grip on the truth that sets me free.

In short, i was feeling ugly & fat and though i really never gave so much thought on how i look physically, i just started wondering if i really am God's special Masterpiece. And doubting the value God gave me was a sin, and because of that i spiraled down to a state of timidity. I started listening to the lies all over again, that there is this standard of beauty girls should meet in order for them to have friends and admirers, that there is this certain shape you need to have in order for you to stand out. All these lies started coming into my head, and though it didn't steal any amount of joy i have for the past few days, it did bother me when i'm about to sleep at night.

So i even became more determined to stick with my diet and exercise as much as i could, i wanted to look nice & feel pretty all the time but it did not happen. Trying to meet that standard of beauty will wear any lady down. It took my strength and the smile that i claimed to be good enough to make me beautiful. Add the fact that i am now in school, where girls who have this smooth straight hair, slim body type, and nice fair complexion seem to have everything. It was just so wrong...

I knew the answer to this, why do i have to dig up a hole once again? Let's see what God has to say about this matter...

Proverbs 31:30 

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

This verse never really spoke to me until now. Why did i ever try to pursue physical beauty when all i needed was to fear & love my Lord? It makes me sad how much time i spent exercising physically opposed to the time i spent with God. If i really put more priority to the matters of my heart ,then why am i being so hard to myself when it comes to outward appearance?

It's not wrong to work out, look good or put make up on. In fact I love working out! But somehow along the way my intentions started to stray away from truth. I was doing all these stuff to get compliments, to receive attention and to hear affirmations. I was not doing it for healthy reasons anymore or even for myself, i was pushing myself so hard just so people would accept me.

So if you're like me who's in a diet or loves working out, remember that you don't do this just so people would like you or your crush can like you back (just sayin) , do it because you enjoy it! exercise because it's healthy for you! It's really healthy for us to exercise , specially in this generation where we eat junk and fast food all the time. So if you really would like to exercise you do it, it's fun.

Second, take time to evaluate your lifestyle. Are you spending more time googling weight loss tips rather than meditating on God's word? Are you putting in more effort in losing that excess fat rather than losing those baggage of sin and burden? Lastly are you spending so much money on make up than on things that would really be helpful for you? Remember it is better to prioritize things that deal with your innermost being than your physical appearance. That lesson i learned by experience.

1 Peter 3:3-4 

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

God says let us not put so much importance in the external! I know girls, we love fashion and make up, but if it's eating all the strength we have instead of giving it to God then it's not good for you anymore. Stop spending an hour trying to look good in front of that mirror!

Lastly, do not ever doubt your value and don't ever place your worth on how you look. Read & meditate on the verse above, see what is precious in God's sight? If you really are aiming to please Him more than anyone else then adorn yourself with a gentle & quiet spirit! Im pretty sure that being beautiful inside makes you beautiful outside too.

So throw away all those insecurities, forget the timidity, and be confident!

Learning all these makes me feel fresh! I am indeed God's wonderful creation! Though i still stick with my diet & work out, its for the right reasons now. Not doing it to receive acceptance anymore, doing it because it's enjoyable! And most of all let us all place our time & energy seeking our God rather than seeking the perishable things of this earth.

Be blessed & stay beautiful inside!